Banditry: The idle musings of John B

Bad puns, old Internet memes, very out-of-date ‘cute animal news’ stories, and aviation references, all in one photograph. I’m spoiling you all, just like being left in the sun for a week spoils cream.

Yes, she really is at Roissy-Charles de Gaulle. Incidentally, this post was based on a tweet by @anattendantlord, which was itself inspired by my link to this gag. But I take full responsibility for the horror.

Good news #1: I’m not dead; good news #2: the blog’s not dead. Rather, I’ve taken a month or so off thanks to a combination of bad things, good things and neutral things.

Bad things: major unpleasantness from commenters I respect around some of the things I’d written about Julian Assange; the realisation that some of the things I’d written about Assange – not necessarily the same ones – were not things I was wholly proud of having written; and (non-Assange-relatedly) a fairly horrible break-up in real life, which was entirely my fault and not something that’s sympathy-warranting, but which made me cut down on my online presence generally.

Good things: an awesome and amazing month being an utter tourist all over Australia [*] after some of my favourite people took time off to trek 15,000km across the world and visit; the emergence of a proper summer; the presence of paid work that needed doing.

Neutral things: the death of my router and a mild eBay failure which mean it took a fortnight to sort out a replacement.

Anyway. I’m now back for the duration, not least because my Masters degree in Digital Communication & Culture starts next month. I’m looking forward to such activities as explaining in detailed academicese why this article is an absolute load of arse, for example. Oh, and obvious digital communication joke.

Other Things To Look Forward To: why the fatuous idiocy of the NSW Liberal Party doesn’t matter as much as you might think; something about beer; something about Tim Worstall’s book. Be excited.

[*] May contain elements of lie. “All over NSW and Tas”. “All over Australia” would be more like a 5-year break…

It being Sunday, or Monday, or one of those kind of days, and this being a Journal of Record [*], I thought I’d put out the kind of quiz that only my readers could answer.

What do the following UK-headquartered banks:
* HSBC
* Lloyds Banking Group
* Standard Chartered
* RBS

…have in common with no other UK-headquartered retail banks?

[*] I’m almost embarrassed to say that this blog is being archived by the British Library. I actually have no idea what the hell 25th century historians of the 21st century will do – well, I recognise half of my readers believe they’ll occasionally venture out of their caves and wonder why the outside world still makes their skin blister or similar. But right now, every humanities undergrad thesis candidate is delighted to find a neglected text to use for their work – in 2500, this crap will be (and, in terms of proportion of utter shite to “survives”, actually will be) available for an undergrad thesis. In which case, hello 2500 person, I hope they’ve genetically engineered girls to look like Natalie Portman, gizza shout if you’ve got a time machine, OK?

• Y'know, this #ebz stuff is fun, but it does steal (small portions of) your life http://fallenlondon.com/c/298257 #
• Smearing Julian Assange: not just a sport for insane man-hating Swedish prosecutors any more: http://bit.ly/96uqCR #
• Fairly sure you power down an EMU by switching off the motors and removing the key. @squeakez can confirm @kofeyh @joshsharp #trainjokes #
• I'm voting for @herring1967 in the Top #Comedy #Podcast Contest! http://votejet.com/YMEO7BcBwk #
• RT @shawnmicallef A day of mourning today for Pierre Elliot Trudeau who died 10 years ago today. http://bit.ly/9jsvn8 #
• So I closed Tweetdeck cos it caned my CPU, and moved to Twitter online. Then it did the same. Anyone know a simple, non-CPU-caning client? #

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• Sorry #LibDems. Having been in another country w/coalition – and having looked at the numbers on #ukvotes – you did the best thing available #
• Directly related to last tweet – the only alliance in Aus with a mandate to govern was ALP/Green. Not Nationals/Liberals. #auspol #

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• RT @legaleagleMHM Just opened wheelie bin and a WASP flew out. Who on earth would have put a wasp in a wheelie bin; what's world coming to? #
• Thing which perplexes me about this TBL piece: how the hell did they find anywhere in Aus that even serves hot curry? http://bit.ly/aGAFvV #
• I mean, if you go to a curry house, and order 'hot with extra hot', you get something that'd be a 'medium' in the UK… #
• …and don't get me started on pizzas. Or Mexican food. Yes, I do want 'hot' sauce and jalopenos. No, it still won't taste of anything #rant #
• Hang on – who *doesn't* sleep with their mobile by their bed? http://bit.ly/blw0WY #andImover30 #
• Also, Arnie's nickname is the Gubernator. 'Governator' doesn't work. Eejits: http://bit.ly/d1q5eK #
• 74% of Australians say they drink in a pub, bar or restaurant twice a month or less often than that. In other news, people lie. #
• Sorry, did a Liberal Senator really just prank-call Rob Oakeshott's wife and pretend to be the Devil? #ausvotes #WTF #noseriouslyWTF #
• Ok, apparently the Senator in question thought it was one of Oakeshott's kids on the line, not his wife. #sothatsOKthen #ausvotes #
• Good work, #Kmart, for selling me a $9 toaster. Was almost tempted to buy some $10 organic bread to toast in it… #
• Stick a report-related fork in me, I'm done. Well, apart from the bit I need to do tomorrow #ebz http://fallenlondon.com/c/234250 #
• Ok, infinite mega-work is finished and it's a beautiful day – so I'm on a train to IKEA. Doh. At least I get to go with @chrissiem… #
• I say "on a train", what I mean is "stuck at Town Hall for half an hour". 30 min frequency on daytime urban rail? Seriously, wtf? #cityfail #
• JG is correct: RT @annabelcrabb: JG says this Parliament is what the people have chosen, and MPs are obliged to try to make it work. #
• After seven months of living in this country, I've worked out why the Internet varies apparently-randomly between 'fast' and 'dreadful' #
• Domestic or domestically-cached (i.e. popular foreign) = fast, because (even pre-NBN) it's better than UK ISPs. International is terrible. #
• …so if I were the next govt's advisor, I'd run a new big cable to Singapore and another one to LA, rather than cocking about domestically. #
• I love it when TV incidental music is aces (Teachers on ABC2 played out with Boy With The Arab Strap). Also, remember when C4 was good? #
• I realise the only people who'll get the last tweet are Britpop fans who're Anglophile Aussies or Aussie Brits. That's my niche, baby. #
• 'Unfollow' posts are tedious, but wanna note realising that 'voice of rank and file' cop World Weary Detective http://bit.ly/ajdt2z is cunt #

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• I need to do five weeks' work in five days #betweenthisandtheeuphoriaoftheelectionresultthiswillbethebestweekever @unsungsongs #
• RT @serafinowicz: "I hate knowing everything. It spoils films, etc." ~ God #
• I hope Wyclef does end up as President of Haiti. I'd also like to see Dizzee Rascal as UK PM… #
• Loads of new content on #ebz. Curses, this was supposed to be my work week… http://fallenlondon.com/c/220040 #
• Utter genius – the election as manga video game animation: http://bit.ly/bbBUtd (via @mumbrella) #
• Great Charlie Brooker piece on the Ground Zero mosque: http://bit.ly/9K4kZk (shorter: "it's not on G0 and it's not a mosque, you fucktards") #
• This made me laugh a lot. I'm not quite sure why. NSFW: http://bit.ly/btAwJ1 #
• Or Ayesha, for extra lolz RT @emeraldbile: solution for G0 mosque. Build it, but put a statue in the front of Fatima sucking Mohammed's cock #
• RT @PreachyPreach: There are c. 70k paid jobs as journos and writers in the UK. Each year, there are 70k journalism + English grads. #
• A good piece for non-Australians who're confused by #ausvotes http://bit.ly/9GuTyj (and probably some Australians, too) #
• CROWDSOURCE: does anyone have any info on how Hindus/Buddhists/animists (ie non-'people of the book') were treated in Al-Andalus? #
• Also, BBC needs chess editor says UK Chess Society RT @mediaguardian: BBC needs religion editor, says Church of England http://bit.ly/dbq5KD #
• Enjoying the new #ebz content muchly. http://fallenlondon.com/c/222064 #
• Haha, excellent: http://yourmotherlikesit.blogspot.com/2010/08/comic-sans.html (@chrissiem and any other typography geeks) #
• The official tourist board account for Worcestershire, @Worchestershire_, is following me. #
• I find this slightly odd, as I've never tweeted about Worcestershire, and indeed have only been there once. It was OK. #
• Maybe that's their cunning strategy. "If we can get 000s of leading Twitter mavens to say 'yeah, Worcestershire's OK', people will come!. #
• Damn you, you cunning Worcestershire marketeers. Visit Worcester. It has cunning marketeers, a Wetherspoons, and some sauce. #
• Right, that's enough work. Well, it's not enough work really, but I'm utterly fed up and it's trivia time. TO THE PUB. #
• RT @brappy: Fighting two simultaneous land wars in Asia? Sign me up #unfortunatewordsfromhistory #
• Unless I've misparsed this, SMUGGEST PARENT EVER RT @RJPartington: BREAKING NEWS: One less place at Oxford/Cambridge University for 2028/29. #
• Fuck, did just fail. I blame geography and Cameron-avoidance. Sorry @RJPartington #
• Again, sorry to @rjpartington. Disagree, though – Blairlings ended up at non-Oxbridge institutions despite paternal importance… #
• As ex-target schools (=make Ox less posh) rep, hope Cameronlets don't get in. *disclaimer* or if they do it's on strict academic merit…. #
• So there's a flight aggregator site for domestic Australian flights promoting itself heavily on TV. Erm, with 3 airlines, we're OK, right? #
• Yes, there's also Tiger, but seriously – having seen the doco, would anyone really fly with them? #
• Quite grumpy my dad never got around to buying Monotype – by the time he'd got the (really not very many) $ together, Mr Gates outbid him. #
• No, my dad doesn't have any *actual money* but he's a typography geek and noticed DTP was gonna make MT profitable. Am still church mouse. #
• LIKE -> RT @dixewills: Rumour Nick Clegg introducing legislation obliging all new fathers to take 5 years' paternity leave (via @ianvisits) #
• World Of Accurate Stereotypes FTW RT @unslugged: Polish man "did not remember being shot because he was drunk" http://bit.ly/dBrxJa #
• Proof that having a physics degree doesn't stop you being a mad crank who believes unscientific bullshit: http://bit.ly/c7jjtx #wifi #
• Work going tolerably. #ebz going better. http://fallenlondon.com/c/223933 #
• No. NEXT! RT @itlt: Will Australia be 100% powered by green energy in 10 years' time? http://bit.ly/a4m0X8 #
• Wouldn't it be delightful if everyone who supports the death penalty were executed by mistake, just as they wish on others? #happydreams #
• RT @NathanaelB: My Tiger experience starts with lights in corridor leading to tarmac off, so descended stairs in the dark. Oops! @pdidzzy #
• Squee! RT @nickjbarlow: BBC Four adapting Dirk Gently for TV: http://bbc.in/cHx1lW #
• Politicians: if you make a short factual piece that could easily be in text as a video, I'm unlikely to bother viewing it. @greenjennyjones #
• BHP Billiton definitely couldn't afford to pay any more tax at all, no, not a penny: http://bbc.in/cazBKq #poorbuggers #givethemabreak #
• This is what happens when you're an analyst & you move to Aus… RT @punkscience: @johnb78 Fair enough. I crown you King of Coal Geekery!:~P #
• I actually rather like the terrible Chinese Olympic sock ad – kinda mantra-like… #gruen #
• Wow, Wednesday night ABC1 is really, really good. #somehowbeentoobusyfor6months #noshutupsarkyBritsAusTVcanbereallygood #
• Loving the hipster from Melbourne, who's mysteriously Brett Anderson #ywc #
• I prefer drunk mates: RT @VizTopTips: CAN't afford buckaroo? Simply pile items on a sleeping elderly relative until they wake up screaming. #
• RT @scattermole: Jajajaja. RT @GrantStatic: http://twitpic.com/2i1ea5 #
• Ice cream (flogged til the company's on its knees) #brettmeals @reallybanderson #
• And its counterpart, Holding Back The Ears #bestialitysongs @duckorange #
• RT @duckorange: #bestialitysongs Bunny's Too Tight To Mention #
• Nothing Compares To Ewe #bestialitysongs #
• Cum On Kids #bestialitysongs @martin_carr #
• Trout Gimp Mask Replica #bestialityalbums #
• Dinah-Mo Hummingbird #bestialitysongs #
• Fuck The Penguin Away #bestialitysongs #
• Ride The Tiger, Hard #bestialitysongs @martin_carr #
• Chris Rea #
• RT @hangbitch: RT @TheMightierEvo: Nowadays, the term 'sick pay' means to be on a good wage. #
• Yay. A new AUS digital channel for US crap that's too lame for even Seven and Nine to show already. Aren't we lucky? http://bit.ly/d6Jh0B #
• My last tweet was slightly unfair: some of the decent US shows from Ten will be moving to Eleven. Still not exactly a cultural WIN. #
• Work progresses. UK bank holiday has bought me an extra day, which is kinda lucky. http://fallenlondon.com/c/227918 #
• I like this piece from @chrisk27 on Bez as existentialist icon: http://bit.ly/aHApf1 #
• My dog's got no nose. He can barely find his way around, and I should really get him put down @armyofdave @evilflea #accuratejokes #nonjokes #
• Good news: I've written 3,000 words so far today. Bad news: I need to write another 15,000 minimum by Monday night #eek #
• Tempted to agree with @hopisen that MPs' sexuality is their business – just cos you're gay doesn't mean you *have* to support gay marriage #
• Going the other way is almost (not the same as, but similar to) suggesting Jewish MPs are obliged to support Israel, and so on… #
• Just got 2 emails from @PaddyPower – one reminding me of my GBP100 world cup winnings, one of GBP40 in another account I'd forgotten. W00t! #
• This is excellent, for all you #media types – Edinburgh lecture from the #bbc's Mark Thompson: http://bit.ly/a85T4m #
• An essential gift for the paranoid right-wing bigot in your life: http://bit.ly/aTyd2i #
• Rupert Murdoch (News Corp owns HarperCollins) in 'attempting to dick over the BBC' shock: http://bit.ly/9ZJmzc #
• Quick #ebz and food break, then Back To Work. I love deadlines, me. http://fallenlondon.com/c/230067 #
• 20,000 words. 'ave it. #
• Love the fact that #abcnews has to put a 'this contains coarse language and is not suitable for kids' warning on its political chatshow… #
• Have worked a lot. Brief #ebz break. http://fallenlondon.com/c/232061 #
• Is there something inherent on TV vs movies that 'produced by Jerry Bruckheimer' implies TV will be watchable but movie will be dreadful? #
• Single biggest factor in everything RT @mrpower: Forget the washing machine. THIS is what made the difference: http://twitpic.com/2jd02u #
• Occasional drinkers are sweet, bless: RT @shutupcaf: is it really bad to drink on painkillers even if it's only ibruprofen? will i die? #
• #ausmedia types – anyone know how much Ten paid to get top slot on the Freeview EPG for ONE? Non-Ausmedia types, don't worry. #
• Why no David Mitchell this w/e? Goddamn lazy holidaying Guardian union socialists, etc… #
• CROWDSOURCING: another whisky before bed, or just a cup of herbal tea? Note: it is very lovely whisky. #

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• I've eaten more Subway and KFC on this trip than in the previous 2 years combined. Curse, and yet bless, Finchley. #
• Excellent hangover day with family. Impressively, I wasn't even the most ruined, despite being highly ruined #welshgenes #
• LHR T3 isn't a great terminal, but the champagne bar is jolly enough. Next stop: Hong Kong! #
• UK trip was brilliant, reminded me how much I love my friends… but also how it really isn't my home anymore. #
• Hong Kong: beautiful. My brane: fuxxored. Valium didn't help this bitch. Well, it shortened this bitch's flight I suppose… #
• Jesus but HK is beautiful. Green mountains WIN. #
• Don't take valium and champagne on long haul flights. #donttakevaliumandchampagneonlonghaulflights #
• I keep pressing the "what's happening" button on snaptu, but it doesn't seem to tell me. #whatshappening? #
• Fantastic view of the Macau hydrofoil from my hotel room. It is a silly vehicle. HK harbour is cool. I wish I didn't feel like death… #
• Sun setting on the harbour. Looks amazing. I refer readers to my previous tweets about my unfortunate headstate… #
• Free gift for spending gbp20 in pharmacy was 3 750ml boxes of, erm, something Cantonese. Possibly cat litter? May not make it home with me. #
• Now I has toothpaste, bed. Tomorrow will be Much More Excellent. #
• Bloody jetlag. Should've stayed up all day, got drunk and gone to bed at 2am, instead of dozing/passing out all day and soberish bed by 10. #
• What's the difference between Spurs and the Catholic Church? Spurs got buggered by Young Boys… #
• Had a fucking excellent daytime with @emeraldbile (and I like walking round graveyards with sweaty birds). Hong Kong is awesome. #
• Then had an awesome night out with non-tweeps. Jesus. I could seriously live in this town. Would need a silly job / rich missus, though… #
• In other news, I'm amazed you can buy a really quite decent camera for HK$1390 = GBP139. GBP175 for same chap at duty free. #
• I recognise I was still probably extorted, but needed a camera for the bus home from Stanley. Views is amazings. #
• Apparently, nobody's retweeted me since Jan 2, 2010. Would be reasonably if so, but nonetheless #twitterfail #
• Apparently, nobody's retweeted me since Jan 2, 2010. Would be reasonable if so, but nonetheless #twitterfail #
• And that, Tony Harrison, is why we don't fly on recently-invented-airlines named after ropy 1970s rock bands: http://bbc.in/8ZQQDm #
• I'm not normally up for hanging, but hanging this truckie would be fair play: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-11008584 #
• For those of you (ie, 95% of geeks who use Twitter) love Dr Who, I need to take a photo of the "Ood Jewellery Shop" I passed today… #
• This is bad. I've finally managed to make my phone and Mac talk to each other, so online feels like normal. Except at $15/mb. #mustshutup #
• Internet browser writers: if people write 1000 heartfelt words of email, why not randomly delete it if the connection fucks up? @viztoptips #
• In a very Cantonese cafe indeed. Have ordered some food. Have absolutely no idea what it will be. But it only costs USD2, so that's OK… #
• Well, let's be honest, I've ordered *something*. I'm hoping it'll be food. #
• Hooray: it is food, and it's quite good. If Snaptu wasn't made of pants, I'd stick a photo on Twitpic for y'all… #
• Literally everything is sold in HK backstreets – except noise-cancelling earphones. I guess silence is a concept nobody here understands… #
• Just went into Chinese medicine shop, asked if they had anything for jetlag. They sold me extract of pineal gland. I *am* Dr Raoul Duke.. #
• Am glad that @chrissiem's excited that I'm home tomorrow. I'm excited too. Although kind of sad to leave HK. Will definitely be back! #
• Having almost used up the (good value) HK PAYG SIM I bought today with a few hours' Snaptu, I'm dreading my next UK mobile bill. Eek #
• Yes, I know that using a non-local SIM for data connections abroad is INSANE, but my brain wasn't working properly when I arrived. #
• Immi cleared, now in the quarro queue. So I might escape the airport by lunchtime… #
• And quarro cleared in under 10 mins, thanks to @chrissiem's lollies. JB is back…! #
• I iz on ur eastern distributor, distributing ur eastern. In a cab, obviously – am not feeling suicidal right now… #
• So, I've been out of the country for 2 weeks – am I right that if the ALP lose, it'll be pretty much Kristina Keneally's fault? #ausvotes #
• If anyone knows a commercial building that's more full of WIN, don't tell this one. http://twitpic.com/2gc4ky #
• Crikey on #ausvotes: "The culture war has become personified. The candidates represent something not by what they do, but by who they are." #
• I'd agree with that. And I'd add that for all JG's flaws, if you don't identify with her more than with mad Tony, you ain't my friend… #
• Aww. @firstdogonmoon's "the federal election" cartoon today is terribly sad and sweet. #ausvotes #
• Christ on a bike. The area of the Pakistan floods would cover pretty much the whole habitable area of Australia: http://bit.ly/9iXtIo #
• (yes, I know people claim to live in Adelaide and Perth, but you don't really believe them, do you?) #
• More Pom accents in Bondi Jn Westfield than in bloody London! #sendusback #
• RT @drueyjay: RT @anildash: Because of their track record of killing Americans, I can't support the construction of a Ground Zero McDonald's #
• Freaky. Just minutes after that last tweet, I got an (apparently unrelated) email from Westfield Bondi Junction… #
• Support Democracy! Vote 1 Bandicoot, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! – http://twb.ly/9DWjFx #
• The biggest population of illegal migrants in Australia by nationality is British @roooney83 @TimMav27 #
• NB I won't *actually* be voting Bandicoot, as I'm a wicked job-stealing foreign & don't get a say. Even though you lot can vote in the UK… #
• "The great Labor party machine has failed", says Joe Hockey – I'd love to see @firstdogonmoon draw this occurring… #
• #ifabbottwins I'll probably be deported… #ausvotes #
• If Labor lose because of the swing in QLD, then Mr Rudd will be Australia's Smuggest Man… #ausvotes #
• Gash FOR THE WIN #gilmore #ausvotes #puerilejokes #
• Labor retain #Batman. Coalition retain #CaptainAmerica #Ausvotes #
• Glad I researched the independents last week – assuming the two NSW guys'll support Labor and the QLD guy will support Coalition? #ausvotes #
• Pleased to see the Libs have put up a redhead candidate in Lalor #battleoftherangas #notaveryconvincingbattle #ausvotes #
• When @chrissiem says 'election party', she's not being euphemistical. We really are that geeky. #ausvotes #
• #unlikelycouples Farmer & Ewan McGregor #
• Diane and Tony Abbott #unlikelycouples #ausvotes #
• Bandt wins. #melbourne #fuckyeah #itspronouncedthesameandhasthesameroot #ausvotes #
• OMG! Poor hypothetical Mischa… RT @manipillai: #unlikelycouples Mischa & Joey Barton #
• RT @nickjbarlow: The and John Band? #unlikelycouples #
• If my calculations are correct, @beaugiles can just about beat Wyatt Roy to youngest ever MP at the next election. Bring it on, Mr G… #
• This is the best election night party EVER. And not even the worst election result I've experienced this year. #ausvotes #dualloyalties #
• According to @chrissiem's mum, 6.5% of votes in Lindsay were informal. The current split in Lindsay is 50.3/49.7. You stupid cunts #ausvotes #
• 100% true -> RT @krs133: The ABC coverage urinates from a great height on any of the broadcasters' coverage of UK elections. #ausvotes #
• My and @chrissiem's election party now on bottle 2 of tribute wine – we've finished White Australian and movingon to Ranga (well, Rose) #
• LIES! RT @theday2day: plenty! > RT @spikester: what's wrong with drinking alone? #
• YES WE CAN RT @politic_animal: Can we now tell ppl who said Gillard shows UK Lab shld have dumped Brown for D Miliband to shut up? #ausvotes #
• This is sport! RT @hungbunny: Lots of political tweets coming out of Australia today. Why? Is there no sport on? #ausvotes #
• Some people say 'individual votes don't count;. LIES. Am hugging the person whose 3rd-preference vote could decide the election. #ausvotes #
• 69/69 ALP/LNP. Australian Sex Party sadly not on 69. jb78 and @chrissiem election party briefly distracted #ausvotes #toomuchinformation #
• .@michaellund coalition is a massive improvement on majority Tory (=L/NP) government, which was the UK's only real alternative #ausvotes #
• Hockey sticks #obvious #ausvotes #
• Ashamed to read so many leftwing tweeters rating "obvious vile conspiracies" vs "must be PC about all rape lies" and coming down for #2. FFS #
• Woohoo, the racist party probably wins, but at least we've got a token blackfeller in the house. Representing the racist party #ausvotes #
• Dr Kelly killed himself; people who believe otherwise are loonies. The government did, however, kill thousands of Iraqis based on lies. #
• #whilenooneisincharge let's promote the irresponsible service of alcohol. DRINK LOTS OF GIN THROUGH A STRAW! #
• "Rather than a climate change denier, the bogan is simply a change denier." < @thingboganslike describes the entire CC 'sceptic' mindset #
• Re the #BirminghamThree: if 3 BNPists were sacked for not being bigoted tits, saneworld's reaction would be 'welcome to saneworld'. #

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• Good: fun stag (buck/whatever pre-venison term you like) party. Bad: more than a week of no @chrissiem. She's officially addictive. #
• Actually, I'm not that up for partying. Maybe a cup of tea and a book? #thingsAndrewWKwouldneversay #
• Note to self: #mlf is the Melbourne Literary Festival and has no affiliation with #milf #
• Just passed the world's longest (former) rail platform; now travelling on the world's oldest proper railway. #whereami? #
• Idiot driver. But more importantly, 'D'Marion'? RT @msgracefh RT @MENnewsdesk: Breastfeeding mum is ordered off bus. http://ow.ly/18wlDj #
• I'm using 'proper' to mean 'passengers & freight between towns' – pit lines don't count… #
• Now at the site of the first recorded fatal passenger train accident… #
• Twitteratifail! Manchester to Liverpool, via Newton le Willows, where the first train on the line in 1830 ran over the local MP… #
• Longest platform is the one that ran between Man Victoria and Man Exchange stns. Insert 'man exchange' joke here. #
• RT @minifig: RT @mattuk: How many SEO specialists does it take to change a lightbulb light bulb light-bulb? #
• Now on the Isle of Man ferry. It's grey and the sea's rough. This could be the best 3 hours of my life. #not #
• My boat's called the Mananan. This may be because there are only 3 letters in the Man alphabet… #
• Chap opposite me is from the Falklands. Clearly he has some kind of weird affinity toward cold, remote, British-ish islands… #
• RT @TheFagCasanova: Apparently at his time of death, Jean-Paul Sartre was working on a children's book called 'Why's Wally?' #
• Ferry leaving the Mersey now, leading to an unwanted remembering of Gerry & Pacemakers… #
• Purser is very Scouse. The fillim today is "wharr the wailed things arrrr", apparently. #
• I was wrong; we're *now* leaving the Mersey. #bouncybouncy #
• Assuming T-NoSignal will fail shortly. At sea, hurrah! Doesn't seem as rough as feared; there are even signs of sunshine… #
• RT @duckorange: Rupert Murdoch to sue Murdock from the A-Team over a crime he didn't commit #
• RT @WiredUK: EMI reveals (yet again) why numbskull-run music labels really do deserve to be left to their slow, unlame… http://is.gd/ecSzP #
• On the isle of man. Oddly, foot passengers forced to wait on boat and listen to bad r&b for ages while cars disembark – outrage! #
• On a steam train. Hurrah! I didn't even choose or know about this one… #
• RT @thejimsmith: I just ate a venison sandwich. Can only top with with a swan omelette. #
• RT @each1teach1: Building a mosque at Ground Zero isn't insensitive to victims of 9/11 … but threatening to bomb it *is*. Do you see? #
• On BE163 to the glorious holiday paradise of Luton. Hurrah! #
• Trekking from NW London to SW London is taking even longer than normal, thanks to #tubefail. Currently on a bus c.nowhere (Cricklewood Ln) #
• Approaching office where I used to work several jobs ago. It's still above a strip club. Whole building appears to be empty & to let. #
• Evening timing FAIL. No matter how much you love all the ppl involved, never schedule more than 2 events for the same night. #
• What a beautiful wedding. #mustnotmakePanicAtTheDiscoreferences #
• My girlfriend and I are not entirely the same: RT @chrissiem Morning already. Who switched the sun on? As usual, I don't have a hangover. #

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• Slept for 12 hours. Now feel very nearly human. Who wants to come to the pub tonight? #
• Odd that Gillard is ahead by 15pts on 'preferred PM', but Libs/Lab neck & neck on voting intentions. Scope for Lab to pull back? #ausvotes #
• This Daily Mash anti-BBC piece might work if a) Rover 200s were awesome b) all other cars available anywhere were shit: http://bit.ly/9BWMSB #
• Fucking hell, I've only been gone 2 days and #AustraliaWantsJBback is already trending :-) #
• Don't worry, #AustraliaWantsJBback types – back on Aug 20. You can meet me at the airport if you like. Especially if you give me a lift home #
• Did Tony Abbott *really* just quote Eminem? #ausvotes #boggle #
• Walking down Albert Embankment. Is pretty. Anyone know of a Twitpic or similar uploader for Symbian/Nokia? #
• RT @qwghlm: RT @edent: you know how to find your Estate Agent name, don't you? Take your full name, then add "is a cunt" #
• Quite impressed. Friend's 3yo just picked up a copy of Universal Soldier in the library and said "this is a bad film". CORRECT. #
• At the Carpenters Arms on Whitfield St W1. Why not join me? #
• None Of It's Coming Back To Me Ever #oppositesongs #
• I miss @chrissiem :-( #
• Days In Black Sackcloth #oppositesongs #
• There Are Many Possible Ways Of Life, But None Of Them Are Unique To You #oppositesongs #
• Finally am on a real computer and not a mobile – have dealt with a week's worth of backed-up half-read unsorted email, yay! #
• A fine piece from @angryyoungalex on the 'harm' done by illegal immigration: http://bit.ly/b1FH3Q (spoiler: 'none, you stupid bigot') #
• Better to bribe Catholics w/stupid baubles vs abortion bans, but still LAME RT @abcnews Gillard pledges $1.5m for M MacKillop's canonisation #
• Phil Collins: No Ahmedinejad Required #dictatorsongs #welldictatoralbumsreally #
• Alabama 3 – Mao Tse Tung Said #dictatorsongs #missingthepoint #
• Struggling to work out why it matters at all whether LFC is owned by some Americans rather than a Chinese investment fund – anyone? #
• There's a case for 'all football clubs should be fan-owned mutuals', but if you accept private ownership, why worry about the nationality? #
• Amin the Mahmoud for Dancing, surely? #dictatorsongs @duncanstott #
• "Papa Doc's got a brand new Bagaza", surely? @dontgetfooled #dictatorsongs #
• Wow, the East London Line is awesome. Like a train from the future or some crazy Asian city. Then you end up in Dalston, which isn't. #
• Dalston escaped, in another magical future train. Quite impressed all the tracks for Highbury ELL extension seem to be in place… #
• Made me think of #ausvotes RT @quotestanhope: Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. #

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