What I’ve been up to, week ending 2010-05-09

  • #Sydney's public transport system reminds me of London's 10 years ago – ace for routes you commute, 'mare for infrequent trips. #
  • ….and lack of through bus/train or bus/bus tix for single journeys is criminal in both cities. #
  • This is not beatable. All other makers of offensive satirical songs should, at this point, give up: http://bit.ly/clUOHm (VNSFW; Minchin) #
  • Listening to a girl who's either having great sex, or pretending very well, on the balcony next door. Good work. #
  • Either the same girl – or, more likely, someone who's life is less fun than that – got cross about me Skyping my great friend. #
  • So now I'm indoors, and so are they. I'm sure we're both happier that way. Or at least, her miserablebinterty outweighs my lack-of-jollity. #
  • Don't understand non-music noise complaints. Loud tekno, or even loud rock irritating – loud convo just means ppl having more fun than you. #
  • …so if you complain, that's because you're a no-mates loser. #
  • Only time I've ever made a noise complaint was 5AM on a Wednesday when ppl were playing Oasis. And even that was because gf-at-time made me. #
  • As far as I was concerned, hell, Oasis at 5AM wasn't gonna be any worse than work at 8:30. #
  • If they'd been playing R&B, then I might've been cross. But then I'd've phoned their mums and it'd've all been fine… #
  • I haven't yet read any daft US articles blaming the Brits for the latest teacupgate (oh noes! Oily fish!), but I bet there are at least 50 #
  • I hadn't heard of @CatherineDeveny before today, but following this humourless character assassination, I'm now a fan: http://bit.ly/c1Ambe #
  • Now everyone knows photography is easy, people who've historically lied that it's hard are getting shafted. Good. http://bit.ly/by3VKA #
  • Do racists not even get a *tiny* "err, hang on" twinge when they lie that denying the choice to wear the niqab is *pro* women's rights…? #
  • Hooray: ratio of "films that suck" to "films that don't suck" will improve slightly: http://bit.ly/d9uRQE #
  • Things that get you sacked from The Age: writing funny things on Twitter. Things that don't: spanking young boys' bums: http://bit.ly/ab3yQl #
  • Cutting ppl's faces is evil. Joking about cutting ppl's faces is a bit tasteless. If you can't see the difference, you're a moron #dyerzoo #
  • Thanks to the beautiful @ChrissieM for reminding me of this EXCELLENCE: http://bit.ly/58olxJ – and it's nearly winter here, so season-tastic #
  • Aaaagh. I don't have The Holy Bible on my iPod. Some arsewit upstairs is playing late-period M Jackson loudly, and I need an antidote. #
  • Panic over, I've found The Downward Spiral. Closer FTW. #
  • Seriously, what kind of terrible cnut would *choose* to listen to Earth Song or You Are Not Alone? Billie Jean or Thriller, hell yeah. #
  • Haha, Daily Mirror WIN: http://virtualstoa.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/mirror0605.jpg #
  • This is amazing political (not party-political) polemic. I'm a decent writer, but I wish I could write like the Rodent: http://bit.ly/bXxeE8 #
  • Great news re #Alliance Naomi Long in East Belfast – did I really just hear that mad bigot blogger David Vance won 1800 votes there? #
  • Yes, yes I did. http://bit.ly/bjDMz1 #
  • Swing from #Tories to #LibDems in the south-west. That's *very very good news*. #
  • Dammit, @davidwhittam beat me to that gag. #
  • Thanks to @qwghlm @griefoftwats swing is Lib-Tory in Torbay; Tory-Lib in Thornbury. The latter is a pity. #ge2010 #
  • "People have been talking about decapitation, not in the physical sense", says #Radio4. Shame. #ge2010 #
  • Anyone know how much money #Ashcroft spent in #Kingswood to buy that 10% local swing? #
  • When Gordon Brown speaks from the heart as in his acceptance speech now, he's actually rather likeable, despite it all #ge2010 #
  • It's 1040AM here, but if the #LibDems win back #Guildford from the revolting #AnneMilton, I'll have a large Scotch anyway #
  • Na H-Eileanan An Iar is apparently a real place in the UK. Hehe… #
  • Bum. #AnneMilton holds #Guildford. No Scotch for me. #
  • Still, the #Tooting news is delightful. #
  • The #LibDem vote fail is bizarre. I guess the Murdoch press *does* still have the power to terrify sheeple. #ge2010 #
  • *Please* can we get this trending? #sinkandrewneillsfuckingboat #
  • #SNP tossers whining that they weren't allowed on the *national* leadership debates. Oh, get out of it… #
  • Not for the first time, I wish I were Scottish. Why do my fellow Englishmen keep voting for those #Tory bastards? #
  • (anyone who says "tax" is a cunt. I've been happy to pay higher-rate tax for nearly all my working life, because I'm not a selfish dickhead) #
  • At this point, I just really, really hope @DrEvanHarris and Lembit hold their seats. Fucking fuckity fuck #LibDemMeltdown #ge2010 #
  • FUCK. Lembit lost to the fucking #Tories. #LibDemMeltdown #aaaagh #
  • I was already planning to apply for residency and ultimately citizenship in #Australia. #ge2010 is doing nothing to change that view… #
  • Keeping my fingers crossed for #Eastbourne #ge2010 #
  • FUCK YEAH!!!!!! #ge2010 #LibDems #Eastbourne #
  • Next time round, #LibDems should focus their resources on seats by the seaside with "East" in their name… #
  • I don't want to see more Labour seat losses, but if Blears loses Salford I'll drink a whole bottle of Scotch and run through Sydney naked #
  • Just spoke to my dad, who's been a Liberal voter for 40 years – so he's rather less surprised and disappointed than me by another #LibFail #
  • Shame about #OxfordEast… oh well, at least it was a Labour hold and LD fail, not a Tory hold. #
  • Bum. Looks like #Tories have gained #NewtonAbbot from #LibDems #
  • *Crosses more fingers than I thought I previously had* RT @DrEvanHarris: I'm in a recount folks! #lookingdifficult #
  • Redcar goes Liberal? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!? #ge2010 #
  • It's a sad night for #LibDems – but must be sadder for #Tories. Only a few months ago, they seemed on for a big win, not minority scrabbling #
  • #BNP were never gonna win #Barking, outside of Nazi dreams / leftie nightmares. But nice to hear they've also missed out on 2nd place. #
  • In non-election-news, Graham Foulkes is an idiot: http://bit.ly/cTsE05 (and 5 years on, grief is no excuse for idiocy) #
  • Haha, @KerryMP wins, #kerryout fails. #
  • I think I'm the only person currently tweeting on #ge2010 who's sober. It may be time for a beer. #
  • I'm torn on whether to celebrate Jacqui Smith's loss, or whether to lament another Tory gain. Probably both. #
  • If you live in Oxford West & Abingdon and voted Tory, then you're properly a scumbag. @drevanharris is the best guy in parliament. #
  • FUCKING FUCKING FUCK. People of Oxford, you are dicks. RT @AlexConnor Ox west and Abingdon result: Evan Harris: 23730 Blackwood: 23906 #
  • By the way, that includes the Labourites in Ox East who smeared the Lib Dems in the knowledge that'd help the Tories next door… #
  • Right. I need a fucking beer. Reports that the Tories won't get their reverse-Portillo moment with Ed Balls are gonna have to be the excuse #
  • Labour's new Leeds MP Rachel Reeves seems like a good sort #ge2010 #
  • Libs hold Sutton. Thank fsck. #
  • Indeed. Tories are just Tories – people who campaigned Lab in OxWest should know better RT @lth Oxford West Labour Party: you're fired. #
  • Fuck me, @Nadine4mp is a nasty, nasty piece of work. #
  • I'm enjoying this beer. And the failure of mad fundie #PhillipaStroud doesn't make up for @drevanharris, but it's still pleasing. #
  • Thank fuck the London Toryslide hasn't quite happened RT @labourmatters Labour hold Hammersmith! #
  • That makes it time for a whisky, even if it's only 2pm. FUCK YEAH. Goodbye, evil troll man. #
  • *Charles?* – someone at C4's been at the sauce RT @channel4news: Ken Clarke knocked off his seat by Lib Dem Simon Wright in Norwich South #
  • Agreed re Buck. But Fox would've been good in Islington S RT @politic_animal Fantastic to see Buck and Thornbury back. And so unlikely. #
  • Even though I'm mostly LD, if Jeremy Corbyn loses Islington N I may cry. #
  • Celebrity candidature: the excellent Dave Rowntree got 5x as many votes as the execrable Esther Rantzen… #
  • No streaking through Sydney for me – they do still weigh the Lab vote in #Salford. A 10% swing to the LDs is good news though #blears #
  • Dunno why people are getting so grumpy about #Balls. In his position, I'd be doing exactly the same thing. #
  • Then again, #Balls has always been one of my favourite NuLab types – never quite understood hatred of him. #
  • He's clever and well-educated, he knows a lot about economics, and he's not a bigoted fuckhead like Blunkett, Clarke, Burnham, etc… #
  • RT @nextleft: it was a hell of an achievement to win Edgbaston in 1997 and hold it in 2005 – but so much more of one to hold it in 2010 #
  • Jeremy Corbyn stays, with a 3.6% swing in his favour. Woo! #thankfuckforthat #IloveyouJezzabutnotinagayway #
  • RT @paulwaugh: Really interesting that Twitter about 20 mins ahead of broadcasters on key results. #ge2010 #
  • Anyone know what the *hell* occurred in Reading W to drive 12% swing? Tory and Lab candidates both Asian, dunno if that makes a difference #
  • Loving the fact that London has remained sane, even as the rest of SE England has gone evil. If the Scots secede, can the Londoners? #
  • The Conservatives have gained #Sherwood. Assuming the Sheriff of Nottingham was probably their candidate…? #
  • 61 votes for the pro-vampire party in Brighton… #
  • Shit, that was an "up and down" moment. Yay Lucas, but the world's most punchable cunt, a man who makes Cameron look lovable, won Richmond. #
  • If you don't despise and loathe Zac Goldsmith, there is something wrong with you. #
  • Have run out of beer, so moved onto $10 a box (gbp2.32 a bottle) wine. I don't think @ChrissieM will necessarily approve. Sorry, babes… #
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pDRIJC31tU RT @uaf Barking: Lab 24,628 Con 8,073 BNP 6,620 LD 3,719 UKIP 1,300 #
  • Excellent Lucas in, mad Yaqoob and evil Griffin humiliated. Yes, people of the UK, that was the correct response to niche parties. #
  • I don't *hate* RESPECT like I hate the BNP, but I fear their insane politics almost as much… #
  • Good news for the Labour left, as John Cruddas holds Dagenham by more than 2000 votes. And again, the Nazis were humiliated. #
  • I feel sorry for David Mundell. Must be lonely being Scotland's only Tory ;-) #
  • .@hopisen Greens? #
  • Yes, I'd rather the Tories hadn't won Harrow East either. But still.. #
  • McNulty's wake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X5-phTa08c #hahahahahahahaha #harrowgoodbye #
  • Labour and Lib Dems won more than half the votes. If you don't think that's a mandate for a coalition, you have no brain. #
  • RT @shibleylondon I note that Prof Vernon Bogdanor, Cameron's tutor at Oxford, argues that Cameron cannot lead a "strong and stable govmnt" #
  • Note that *no* market movements indicate any problems with hung parliament (just fallout from Greece crisis, shared by rest of Europe) #
  • Irritating thing about being a not-very-partisan, Tory-hating vague-LD is that I'm never sure whether Labourites tweeting "XX wins, yay"… #
  • …means "Tory kept out, hence yay, NuLab clone beats Lib, hence boo, or old-skool Lab beats Lib, hence meh"… #
  • Who cares whether Labour supported electoral reform before? Better one sinner who repenteth, etc… #
  • Idiot on the news claiming UK election is relevant to UK bond yields – no, thiat's contagion from the Eurozone crisis, you tits. #
  • Sadly, most FS professionals tend to be Tories (because of correlation with 'greedy bastards'), so pretend financial data supports their BS. #
  • The last tweet I RT'd from @mrmarksteel is the only electoral comment in several hours to make me literally LOL… #
  • #ge2010. Various non-UK ppl asked me who'd won, answer was "I was the only sober commentator watching til 9AM GMT and I've no bloody idea" #
  • "only sober commenter *apart from @nosemonkey of course*. I just found that concept hard to process…. #
  • Going through downloads folder. Why the hell did I download a map of London Bridge station at 3AM this March, *after* I'd moved to Oz? #
  • It'll be interesting to see @privateeyenews on the Harrods sale (erm, sale *of* Harrods). Anyone know a newsagent that sells it in #Sydney? #
  • Also, why can't @privateeyenews get a good, or even poxy, website with all content? I'd pay a subscription fee just to get it as PDF/vmag… #
  • Surely telling someone to go roger a gerbil is just a relatively standard, civilised way to have a debate over here? #gerbilgate #
  • Upstairs at the Tea Gardens, Bondi Jn, is one of the most civilised places for a drink in the known universe. And it's only 5 mins from home #
  • ….this is made all the more surreal by the fact that downstairs at the Tea Gardens is an uneasy mix of bogans and drunken Irishmen. #
  • Really looking forward to my trip to HK in August. Pleasantly amazed that China didn't fuck the place up after 1997: http://bit.ly/aIZPcY #
  • I can't see enough Tories accepting STV for a Lib-Con pact to be viable; I also can't see Clegg pact-ing without STV. What'm I missing? #
  • (obviously multi-member STV would be better, but single-member STV would be enough of a benefit to be worthwhile for Clegg) #
  • Today was officially Expat Day in Aussie pubs – everyone else at home with their mums ;-) #
  • This is cool (via @artoftravel): http://beclee.com/2010/05/signs-australia/ #
  • Best reason to hope for new election in 6 months -> RT @DrEvanHarris Not interested in House of Lords. Better plan is winning back OxWAb #
  • Since @lauriepink has started an "inappropriately titled kids books" meme, http://bit.ly/9Y5uzH doesn't do wonders to dispel stereotypes… #
  • Awesome. @espiekermann is on Twitter. Do follow. (via @patrick_myles) #
  • This is a stupid article: http://bit.ly/a3fOk7 <- if you want stuff to be public, post it to Facebook; if you don't, send by private email. #
  • The #Bluetones have a new album out. WTF? Next you'll be telling me 60Ft Dolls are on a reunion tour… #
  • Outside of loony Tory press, does anyone think The Markets give a fuck about whether DC, GB or NC is PM? (clue: no, they don't…) #
  • The Markets are an aggregation of mildly clever, very greedy people; they know slightly less about politics than poltiical tweeters… #
  • …but in the context of #ge2010 it's their job to know nearly as much as us. They know that any plausible government will cut deficit… #
  • …including a minority government, and the rest is just flubbery from people who happen to be right-wing and have senior jobs at banks. #
  • Dear Anyone With A Cinema In #Sydney. Please show #FourLions. I'll pay $50 for a ticket, if required. Thanks, JB #
  • Best airport in western world IMO. SIN better & looking forward to HKG RT @anasanchez I think I've changed my mind re T5 – it's not that bad #
  • The one annoying thing about my return flight to the UK is that BA/BAA were too stupid to build a single OneWorld terminal at LHR… #
  • …so my CX flight back is going to the entirely average Western airport that is T3. On the plus side, no transfers in horrible AMS or FRA. #
  • The frustrating thing about being me is that I get quite a lot of pay and no sodding recognition – and don't really know how to fix that #
  • Yes, I know the last tweet comes over as cockish – but it's properly true. I'd be a great business editor for any Oz paper… #
  • …and'd take a paycut to do so – but none'd hire me, because despite the fact that I really do know all this shit, I've not got it in print #
  • Cunt of the day > RT @PMMcGough National tragedy: promotion of B Bragg from obsolescent crooner to omniscient constitutional authority. #
  • .@matgb "I'm the most coherent celeb on Facebook" "Yes, that's why I can't understand any of those silly twets you send me" #
  • EXCLUSIVE: your mum and Nick Clegg have had a secret meeting. #
  • Q: would you be willing to accept 5 years of Tory government, on the condition that Zac Goldsmith was crucified? I'd seriously consider. #
  • OTOH, I live in Prison Island. So whilst still have a vote on Knifecrime Islan, that's precisely the sort of me-pleasing thing I'd go for. #
  • RT @ChrisTMarsden: FPTP error 404: Government not found. Please reset your voting system to proportional representation and try again #
  • Duh, Tories lie: RT @Quietzapple Odd how bullies who tried to run campaigns vs Brown 3 years ago & since now say he Must resign now. Untrue #
  • RAGE, AGAINST THE LYING OF THE RIGHT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maISWZ8Tpsc (also, Dylan Thomas is the man, and this is pure beauty) #
  • I've written a blogpost that I think is good, but I'm knda drunk. While sober tomorrow, I'll determine whether alcohol stimulates creativity #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

Charlotte Gore is absolutely wrong

Nominal Liberal Democrat Charlotte Gore, who oddly seems to spend more time hating the Labour Party than actually supporting the Liberal Democrats, has a very odd post-election post.

She thinks that if the LDs were to prop up a Labour administration in exchange for the introduction of proportional representation (which is required – if you don’t think the difference between votes and seats here is grossly, rankly unfair, you’re either blindly partisan or insane), then the resulting knock in support for propping up the reviled Labour government would kill the LDs forever.

To paraphrase Blackadder, there’s only one problem with this analysis: it’s bollocks. Let’s assume that Labour are so reviled that anyone who supports them will be tainted with hate. Which is rubbish – whilst some right-wing people, some of whom pretend to be liberals, hate Labour, most people don’t) – but let’s assume it anyway.

In that context, backing Labour in exchange for a definitive deal on PR might cost the LDs half their votes next time round. But the LDs only won eight percent of the seats this time round, on 22i%-ish of the vote. Winning 11% of the votes and seats next time would be an improvement – and any prospective Gordo-taint wouldn’t last forever.

Is there anything wrong with my analysis above? Seriously?

Update for Brits who’re just waking up

Overall, we know about as much about what’s going on as when as we did when I woke up eight hours ago.

Things we do know: the Lib Dems got screwed, probably by the sustained 2-week barrage of media lies about them.

Troll-like ex-home secretary Charles Clarke lost his seat, which is delightful.

Pro-science campaigner and all-round good egg Evan Harris lost his seat, which is a terrible shame (bad work, Oxford people).

And although the Tories have cleaned up in the Home Counties and the Midlands, Labour have mostly held London.

The Tories are trying to subvert the constitutional convention that the sitting PM has the first right to try and form a parliament. This makes them scumbags, and the complete and utter opposite of anything that might be described as ‘conservative’.

Finally, the appalling Hazel Blears kept her seat in Salford (where they weigh the Labour vote) albeit with a 10% swing to the Lib Dems, so I don’t have to drink a bottle of Scotch and streak through Sydney. Which is probably just as well.

(more, less coherent analysis at Johnb78).

Update: excellently, we have our first Green MP, Caroline Lucas in Brighton Pavillion. Revoltingly, Zac Goldsmith has won Richmond Park. If your feelings towards Zac Goldsmith include anything other than disgust and hatred, there is something wrong with you.

Quick thought on speeches

Not sure if these are downloadable, but listening on the radio I was really struck by the difference between Gordon Brown and David Cameron’s speeches on winning their constituencies.

Mr Brown is in the wrong job, and needs to resign tomorrow no mater what the final results, but the speech was heartfelt, interesting, passionate and genuinely moving.

Mr Cameron sounded like the kind of personality-free senior manager who gives corporate Powerpoint presentations that mean nothing, are full of waffly buzzwords, are delivered with intensely loatheable smugness, and generally make you want to die.

I don’t think I could stand living in a country where someone that personally dislikeable (which Gordon Brown, for all his faults, isn’t – you might hate his politics and/or his competence, but I genuinely can’t imagine anyone disliking the man, personally, on meeting him) was main national figurehead and spokesman. So I suspect I’ll be out here for a fair while then…

(FX: checks “permanent residency” requirements again…)

Semi-informed Northern Ireland poli-blogging

It’s lovely to see Peter Robinson, the head of Northern Ireland’s DUP (the Paisley-ite, hardline Unionist party), losing his Belfast East seat to non-sectarian Alliance candidate Naomi Long. Anything which makes NI less sectarian-driven has to be a good thing…

The thing which makes it even funnier, by which I mean “if I was properly awake I’d literally be rolling on the floor with laughter”, is that insane ultra-Unionist blogger David Vance (of A Tangled Web and Biased BBC ‘fame’) won 1856 votes, presumably from people who felt that Mr Robinson didn’t hate the Micks enough. Ms Long’s majority over Mr Robinson was only 1533.

In other words, by attracting crazy sectarian bigots with his crazy sectarian bigotry, David Vance has actually made Northern Ireland a less crazy, sectarian and bigoted place. Hahahahaha!

What I’ve been up to, week ending 2010-05-02

  • my copy of Faith No More's best known single won't play any more #epicfail #
  • i can't get funding for my remake of Spartacus #epicfail #
  • i've been multiplying two mathematical constants both together and by the speed of light, to no avail #epicfail #
  • I always think of the Auteurs' Tombstone when passing the Columbian Hotel. "We'll take the fucking building out, Baader Meinhof style", etc. #
  • …and yes, I know Luke was actually referring to the Columbia Hotel in London… #
  • I LOL'ed. I think this makes me a Bad Man RT @torontoveg: International Respect for Chickens Day: May 4 http://ow.ly/1Dfuj (via @sirrontail) #
  • Back to work. Back to #ebz. Similar. http://fallenlondon.com/c/61087 #
  • Yes, it's excellent -> RT @jamesgraham: This is very clever: http://bit.ly/dvP7QP #iagreewithnick #disobeymurdoch (via @bloggerheads) #
  • Good election parody marketing from Ikea: http://bit.ly/bDuBFT – but have they really given Nick Clegg a photo of Hitler? #
  • .@jamesup sorry, but someone's sent me: http://bit.ly/b3Ow24 #
  • Ooops! Ladies, time to don your burkhas: http://j.mp/cfnDv0 #boobquake #angryGod #
  • Irish politics WIN: RT @twentymajor RT @theddp: Bertie gives up his pension ! >> Now he just needs to give up breathing, the little cunt #
  • Freemania just won at everything: http://bit.ly/9uwMjW #
  • Getting annoyed by belief that Greece default has an impact on the UK. Greece's debt is (effectively) foreign-denominated. UK debt isn't. #
  • Grizzled union types: it may be true that you can't trust the Lib Dems, but it's *definitely* true that you can't trust Labour… #
  • Tory grassroots still hate gays (read the comments): http://bit.ly/akk0n3 – via @bloggerheads #
  • I guess this might, erm, help conceal one's recent hand-based activities…? Weird: http://bit.ly/dj1Cd7 (via @Awl) #
  • is about to head off to a Mass Debate. Fnarr. #
  • Well, actually it's an absurdly elitist, embarrassingly pretentious debate, but that doesn't sound like a word for wanking so isn't funny #
  • This might be my last message for a while – up early 2moz to be temporarily blinded. But at the end I'll have LASER EYES, so that'll rule… #
  • RT @martinb9999: Dear Gordon, If You Meet a Bigot in the Street, *This* Is How You Respond http://post.ly/dmAW (via @chickyog) #
  • RT @johannhari101: You know what's so sad about this? That woman said pensions & schools are better now in Rochdale #
  • Last #ebz for a bit, I reckon… http://fallenlondon.com/c/62032 #
  • I miss teh @ChrissieM too. Bad eyes. Bad urban geography :- #
  • I can now peruse Twitter in very large print. But probably shouldn't. Eyes recovering well. If I'm lucky I'll even have some valium left. #
  • …which'll be handy for my UK trip in August… #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

The idle musings of John B