Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-07-05

  • Yes, Mumbai is indeed hotter and damper than London. Including all of London’s Turkish baths. #
  • Good @realdmitchell article, most of the commenters are ignorant fucktards: http://bit.ly/IY5YC #gasthenonswearingcuntwits #
  • I agreee about 75% with this piece – http://bit.ly/10sbZI – but 100% with running it now rather than deferring to sentimental ‘respect’-ery #
  • Idly contemplating whether to order idli. Or a kebab. And whether a bottle of wine would be excessive. #
  • This is rather sweet, but will make you feel *very* old: http://bit.ly/UZ497 #
  • What’s the best way to defend democracy? A military coup, of course! Mary O’Grady = massive eejit http://bit.ly/kX3f0 #
  • This is an easy one – “no, of course not” – RT @libcon Article: Do we need an ‘Armed Forces Day’? http://bit.ly/DwoBg #
  • This is what globalisation is for: so I can sit in a Hyderabad hotel room, drunkish on decentish local red, slagging off Brits on Twitter #
  • Odd news: RBS beats HSBC to come 4th in “World’s Strongest Bank” league http://bit.ly/5oTJW #
  • In 1997-00, Tories so unpopular that OUCA = uglygeekboys. Mebbe why I’ve always written ‘em off. 1989 a different story http://bit.ly/7l6bT #
  • Ooops. Nearly sent a msg to @herring1967 referencing a gag that was actually by @realdmitchell. Not sure how I could’ve’ lived that down #
  • How come @bigdaddymerk gets the Queen for 69p a year, whereas when I try I’m arrested for high treason, stalking and gerontophilia? #
  • As far as I can see, nobody in the UK’s been mad enough to draw this comparison: http://tinyurl.com/nfedlw – but give them time #
  • I don’t get the Madoff sentencing. Some rich people lost some money. Why’s that 150 years’ jail, rather than 150 hours’ community service? #
  • Thanks to @beatniksalad, I discover that Bernie Madoff cleaned out the Kissingers. Surely reason for forgiveness in & per se? #
  • Need to go to bed, as need to get up at 0430, catch an intercontinental flight, arrive, do a day’s work and go to a gig. #preemptivelytired #
  • (nb: it’s 8pm here) #
  • Grr. Obviously the day I get from plane to luggage in 15 mins wil be the day luggage takes 45 mins to arrive #
  • fuck me, London hotter than India and less air conditioned. #
  • Can’t think of a witty comment but digging the VHS #virgilioanderson #
  • Flash picnic in Bermondsey Square at 1730 today – please RT: http://tinyurl.com/lz58mk #
  • The Economist meets the King of Sweden, is impressed: http://bit.ly/Rnyf5 #
  • If I met the King of Sweden I’d find it very difficult to avoid asking him to buy me things that I was needin’… #
  • Nobody tell Michael O’Leary about this, OK? – http://bit.ly/iSj9T #
  • I’m meeting a man in a pub later today who’s going to sell me two live crustaceans. I feel disturbingly like Withnail as a result #
  • END OF WEEK #
  • i’ve got a carrier bag with two live animals in it. this seems weird #
  • Today is a day for drinking wine and cooking lobsters. Yes it is. #
  • What is it with F1 and Nazis? http://bit.ly/3wPXCH (via @cynicaldragon) #
  • Preparing for housewarming. Champagne and lobsters FTW. If you’re following me you’re invited. #
  • nef really are an appalling bunch of charlatans: http://bit.ly/PI7Lj is some of the worst analysis of anything I’ve ever seen. #
  • aaagh. hangover-tastic. vague memories of sleazy and bad things. sunday morning, in other words. #

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Obvious ‘Madoff with the money’ gag

Over at Bystander’s, some sanctimonious caants are talking a load of sanctimonious cant about one of the financial services community’s finer comedians, Bernie Madoff, and why he’s a Very Bad Man Indeed.

They pointed me to this document, which is absolutely superb – the self-pitying ramblings of people who, having grown used to receiving copious quantities of pretend money-for-nothing, now believe their lives are ruined because they have to live off their employee pensions.

My comment there was:

Some people who were super-rich are now rich; some people who were rich are now on the same level as everyone else. And all of them were *utterly, unimaginably stupid* to entrust their money to someone like Madoff. Their whiny sense of entitlement doesn’t exactly contribute to one’s sympathy for them, either. “Oh noes, I’m no longer a gazillionaire, instead I just have to live on my pension like every other bloody pensioner…”

For those who’re wondering ‘what happened to the money’, there never was any – he paid out the $60bn that he received as fake profits to his investors. In other words, he took $60bn from gullible shmucks, and paid it out mostly to the same gullible shmucks. That’s why ‘harmless redistribution’ above – the scheme’s only impact was to reward early investors at the expense of latecomers, like all Ponzi schemes.

…and if I were a US taxpayer, I’d be marching in the streets against the greedy morons getting a penny of my money in compo.

…and I stand by every word. I simply don’t understand tough sentencing for financial crimes, given that money simply doesn’t matter that much, and nearly everyone who loses out in a financial scam thoroughly deserves to do so.

Conjectures

This Spectator piece brings a couple of conjectures to mind:

1) Anyone who uses the phrase ‘pie in the sky’ is an idiot who should be ignored.

2) Anyone who believes absolute national debt, rather than national debt as a proportion of GDP, is a figure with any relevance to anything is an idiot who should be ignored.

These conjectures, happily, tie up with an existing known fact: that Fraser Nelson is an idiot who should be ignored.

Edifying spectacle of the day

Read a selection of grumpy middle-aged Tories and Libertoonians slate 18-year-old kids for being pompously grumpy about getting a stupid question in their History A-level.

CHILD PSYCHOLOGY NEWSFLASH: bright kids are often pompously grumpy, and are usually far too worried about exams.

…however, the concept of right-wing bloggers being upset by grumpy pomposity is leaning towards ‘white males are the most oppressed group’ levels of un-self-aware lunacy… oh, wait, most right-wing bloggers believe that too.

At least the kids will mostly grow out of it.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-06-28

  • Lewes = pretty town. A23 between Croydon & Elephant & Castle = road to, from & via hell. Glad to be back in N19 #
  • RT @PreachyPreach Germany does its best to ensure a long prolonged recession. http://bit.ly/h9XE6 #
  • “Miners and police unite in beating the crap out of Greenpeace anti-coal protestors” #worldwithoutThatcher #
  • If Stephen Hester makes his full pay packet, govt profits on its RBS stake will be £100 for every person in the UK. I’m happy with that deal #
  • RT @antonvowl Only the Conservatives could be angry that a Conservative got elected as Speaker #
  • Does this guy get time off his sentence for the kneecapping: http://bit.ly/19tGVc ? Suspect not, but would probably be fairer if so #
  • (and would deter other vigilantes) #
  • Seems 2b working: RT @themanwhofell if the Incredible Hulk is your favourite Marvel superhero, apply a green tint to your avatar. Please RT #
  • Evening defined ‘bittersweet’, dinner with 2 women I used to be in love with & vv, now all friends, great time, depressing bed-home-solo #
  • Conversation of the night: parallels between Ezra Pound’s antisemitic anti-bank Depression poetry and modern anti-bank narratives. ENJOYED #
  • Someone just followed me offering ‘total happiness’. I blocked him. #
  • RT @bengoldacre David Tredinnick MP claims £510 for astrology software: guess this makes him both stupid AND stupid #
  • RT@themanwhofell I’m not going to Glastonbury but I may walk to East Finchley or Wood Green or Crouch End, possibly wearing a hair shirt. #
  • RT @mrpower Prince Charles makes effort to reduce personal spending. Now brushes own teeth and wipes own arse. Next stage: Feeding himself. #
  • MP expenses PR man is paranoid loony: ‘this is dynamite, it’s big trouble, I could be arrested, deported or disappeared’ http://is.gd/1bFQw #
  • interesting one – RT @pressgazette Journalism job vacancy: Online news editor for Press Gazette http://tinyurl.com/mqd28v #
  • I hate the BBFC, they’re a bunch of spacky mongoloid joeys: http://bit.ly/TD3xY #
  • Things I don’t understand about Twitter: how an obvious spambot like @createincome has almost as many ‘followers’ as ‘following’ #
  • Vile views, positive outcome – Nixon’s racism moderated his opposition to abortion: http://tinyurl.com/lzn79o (via @jonnelledge) #
  • Anyone who plays music in an office should be instantly shot. Ditto anyone who blows an airhorn. I hate salespeople. #
  • Whistling, also. Indeed, whistling in any context outside of a musical performance should be punished by boiling alive. #
  • For all Patrick Foster’s awfulness, at least he screwed over the twunts at the ABD: http://8mpe5.tk (via @TACJ who seems less impressed) #
  • RT @PreachyPreach RIP Swells. http://bit.ly/16aUc6 #
  • This makes perfect sense, although doubtless will outrage silly people: http://bit.ly/nF1Rz #
  • This is absolutely WIN – brilliant demolition of Tory strategy post-2007 and vindication of what the gov’t have done: http://bit.ly/bJvBg #
  • Anyone want a ticket for Bruce Springsteen in Hyde Park on Sunday? Offers accepted #
  • Blimey, Michael Jackson’s dead and the first I knew of it was my friends’ sarky Facebook comments. #
  • RT @bigdaddymerkfor all the joking, I’m kinda sad. Jacko made ace music and was a part of my childhood. rest in peace you freaky weirdo. #
  • Actually, that’s the anthem, innit – “Shine On You Freaky Weirdo”. If only Quincy Jones and Eddie Van Halen were as talented as… oh, wait #
  • It’s actually pretty rude, from a UK pundit POV, for Jacko to die during Glasto – they’ll be far too wankered (inspired by @richardherring) #
  • RT @bigdaddymerk for all the joking, I’m kinda sad. Jacko made some ace music + was a part of my childhood. rest in peace you freaky weirdo #
  • (the @bigdaddymerk tweet was originally before the ‘Shine On” tweet, but I messed up the quoting. You wanna make something of it?) #
  • Nasty, but funny – RT @JamieRoss7 Michael Jackson must have finally destroyed that painting of an ageing black man he kept in his attic. #
  • I like the fact that #Rip Micheal Jackson is a trending topic. Whenever I’m dead, I hope #Rip Jhon Band is similarly popular #
  • “He’s a tinfoil-hatted, privacy obsessed gimp who runs a very dull blog” http://tinyurl.com/lrfm2f – oh, wait… #
  • Whilst I hate Perez Hilton, this is EXCELLENT: http://twitpic.com/8et2f – as is anything that upsets the morons who’re upset by #jacksonfail #
  • Everyone connected with the Evening Standard should be sent to Wimbledon Common and enslaved by wombles #
  • Nigel Williams, author of The Wimbledon Poisoner, would never stoop so low as to write for the Evening Standard #
  • RT @Habitat_UK – I can’t believe Michael Jackson died during Wimbledon – now buy some furniture #toomanymemes #
  • Mass moonwalk 6pm today @ Liverpool St. Please RT #
  • Grumpy pretentious middle-aged wankers wankify: http://brsxh.tk #
  • Tenuous: http://tinyurl.com/lcvklt #
  • Irresponsible FTW: http://tinyurl.com/mdchcq (from B3ta) #
  • waiting for train to office to train to train to airport to plane to lunch tomorow #
  • to plane to other office to hotel to plane to train to train to HOME! #
  • people keep saying today is muggy. rubbish, i haven’t been mugged once #
  • suspect india in monsoon will be hotter, humider, anyway… #
  • Private Eye definitely becoming Torier and more twattish. If such a thing possible. #
  • UPGRADE woo! #

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Yes, it’s fucking political

Frank Dobson spoke nothing but truth last month:

‘Be warned,’ he said, ‘the Lib Dems and the Tories have not abandoned party politics.’ There was, he alleged, a three-part strategy. When they had disposed of the Speaker, they would demand Gordon’s resignation. If they got that, they would demand an immediate general election on the grounds that we couldn’t have yet another Labour leader without an electoral mandate. ‘And anyone who thinks that an immediate general election would be of benefit to the people who voted us in, is not on this planet.’

From Chris Mullin’s excellent account of Westminster life during the surreal days of ‘well-paid people with expense accounts use them; remind me why we’re supposed to care’ [*]-gate.

[*] no, really don’t.

I’m not entirely convinced this is true

Here:

Let’s be clear: the international economy almost stopped dead last autumn. We were within days of cashpoints throughout the Western world refusing to cough up money and of automated transactions, including payments of wages, simply freezing.

Really? Anyone? Davies?

Banned Katie Perry upskirt video [*]

The Economist’s Charlemagne blog has a good piece on why Vaclav Klaus is being utterly ridiculous when he claims that the reassurances being made to Ireland and the UK over the Lisbon Treaty mean that he should hold off ratification:

Imagine that an internet rumour had started that Marmite (or baked beans, if you cannot stand Marmite) contained minute traces of pork fat, and this caused a fuss in British Jewish and/or Muslim circles. Then imagine that one supermarket offered to solve the problem by putting a kosher mark on the label, and another, with a big market share in northern England said they preferred to say it was halal on the label, and the whole thing became a fuss about multiculturalism. You could easily imagine the makers preferring to avoid putting any religious markings on the product at all. But one constant would remain through all of this fuss about whether Marmite is vegetarian, or baked beans kosher or halal. What was inside the jars and cans would not have changed “one iota”.

[*] well, if I wrote ‘good piece on the Lisbon Treaty’, who the hell would click through?

The idle musings of John B