Arrest this vile pervert now!

I’m sure you remember Canadian freak-show queen Celine Dion, and her domination of the 1990s power ballad world. And you most likely remember her utterly ridiculous, pomp-musical-rock-tastic career pinnacle, It’s All Coming Back To Me Now:

It’s only just occurred to me, however, that a couple of lines from this song suggest deeply disturbing things about Ms Dion’s past [*]:

There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow

At the time the song came out, heterosexual anal sex had only just been legalised in the UK, so there was much ‘fnarr’-ing among the teenage boy community at this information.

On reflection, our speculations were altogether too tame. Ms Dion isn’t simply claiming that there were nights of endless pleasure that were banned by the laws of any specific jurisdiction – she’s claiming that whatever activities she engaged in were considered illegal by every single code of laws in force in the world at the time she first performed the song.

Anything that was legal in Germany at the time is ruled out, meaning that the activities referred to can’t solely concern consenting adults (unless they involved bodily injury leading to a concrete danger of death). Since bestiality was legal in the state of Washington at the time, that’s out too.

The only laws regulating sexual conduct that exist universally across all societies with codes of laws (much as they may not be applied consistently) are those prohibiting non-consensual sexual activity [**], sex with minors [**], and the consensual infliction of death or severe life-threatening injury.

So therefore, Ms Dion is admitting that the sexual ecstasy she found with her departed-and-possibly-returning partner was either rapey, paedophilic or murderous. Is this really the sort of behaviour we want celebrated in song?

[*] the song, of course, is written by Jim Steinman. I’m assuming in the absence of evidence to the contrary that it’s ghost-written for Ms Dion. Even if not, Ms Dion clearly identifies with and makes no attempt to criticise or distance herself from the character Mr Steinman has created.

[**] at least outside of marriage and subject to certain definitions.

8 thoughts on “Arrest this vile pervert now!

  1. The clue is here:

    "the sexual ecstasy she found with her departed-and-possibly-returning partner"

    The ecstasy being the aiding in the departure from this life?


  2. Sorry to disappoint, but the truth is rather more banal: she frigged herself off to porn mags she'd nicked from the corner shop.

  3. Reminds me of a line from Douglas Adams: "In the winter time the temperature falls well below the legal minimum, or rather it would do if anybody had the common sense to set a legal minimum."

    May I recommend that a research team be put together to determine the most appropriate level at which to set the legal limit on the allowed amount of pleasure? Because (working on the same logic as our tax system) surely if any one person is getting too much pleasure, the rest of us are being denied our fair share?

  4. I believe you can add maternal incest to your list of thing you can't legally get up to anywhere. How old are Ms Dion's kids (if any)?

  5. Perhaps she did whatever they did in Gomorrah ?

    PS Your leave her alone , great singer and I think "Think Twice" is fab

  6. Mr Loaf did his version of this on Bat Out Of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose (!) album, duetting with Marion Raven. Presumably all of the above refers to them too?

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